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A Doctor Who a Day - Day 17 - Review: Tooth and Claw

Updated: Jan 12

Werewolf approaching camera
@BBC

Doctor Who Series 2, Episode 2, Tooth and Claw

Original Air Date: 22nd April 2006


"You want weapons? We're in a library! Books are the best weapon in the world. This room's the greatest arsenal we could have. Arm yourself!"


Finally, after all this time, I have reached an episode that just didn’t do it for me. I say that like it’s a good thing…


I don’t hate it, but then I couldn’t really hate anything about this show, not fully anyway. I don’t particularly enjoy Tooth and Claw though, and it is not an episode I revisit. I can see why now.


I actually can't put my finger on it, but I did find myself zoning out a bit when watching this.


"Oh, I’m dazed and confused. I’ve been chasing this wee naked child over hill and over dale. I’nt that right, ya timorous beastie?"


It may just be my hatred for the royal family that really makes me hate this. I am firmly in the Christopher Eccleston camp when it comes to them. To me, the royal family is everything that is wrong with the world. A wealth built from stealing, from greed, and from violence. A family who has done nothing but been born celebrated by people it doesn’t give a shit about.


They campaign for homeless charities, but how many properties do they own? How much land do they own? How about they actually do something about it? You know, like give up a palace or two for a few people to live in. These fuckers sit around and wave at us common folk whilst being the biggest benefit scroungers in the country. I often wonder how they sleep at night.


How many homeless people are there in the UK? Around 309,000 apparently... How many properties do these parasites own?


Buckingham Palace - 775 rooms

Clarence House - no idea but it has a morning and garden room whatever the fuck they are

Kensington Palace - 20 rooms apparently

St James Palace - over 100 rooms

Windsor Castle - 1000 rooms

Holyrood Palace - 289 rooms

Hillsborough Castle - No idea, but any place that has a throne room and a drawing room is too big


Then you have a long list of cunty named properties like Frogmore and Ivy Cottage. I am making myself sick typing all this out. What else is there? Oh yes, Balmoral Castle which is on 53,684 acres, Sandringham House, that's 20,000 acres, Highgrove House, Ammer Hall, and on and on and on.


I know homelessness isn't solved so simply, but fucking hell! Surely if these fuckers actually wanted to help, they actually could. There is always money. They have lots of it. Flog one of those properties that gets used once a year and god knows how much could go towards helping and supporting homeless people.


The only thing people seem to use in defence of the royal family is what they bring in tourism. I know our country is in a hole at the moment, but people could still look at the castles that are there, who gives a shit about the posh twats hiding away inside of them. I suspect a lot of tourists are American as well, and they have dump as president so they can fuck right off.


"Well, they were bald, athletic... your wife’s away, I just thought you were happy."


There are many other reasons I despise of them of course.


Andrew, is of course one. The entitled little weasel. How is it fair that 'mummy' used our money to bail this cunt out? The poor lamb now lives in a slightly smaller house, that seems to be his only punishment. Pathetic!


Here are some more:





One final point about these parasites... how could you trust anyone who calls their Mum and Dad, Mama and Papa? Twats!


I seem to have forgotten the reason I was here. Ah yes, Tooth and Claw. The queen and martial art monks just don't do it for me.


Did the Doctor hint that someone was gay? Oh my god, change the RIP dates. Forget 2005-2017, it should be 2005-2006. How woke!! Doctor Woke. Nigel is our hero. Let's put some shit flags up and slate Doctor Who, even though we don't watch Doctor Who. Blah, blah, fucking blah.


Jesus, I am in an awful mood. I can only apologise. I was only joking about that by the way. I love that Doctor Who is woke, I love that it has always been woke. I love that it looks out for the little people. I love that it winds all the right people up.


Tooth and Claw didn't do it for me, but that doesn't dampen my love for the show. I did enjoy the set up for Torchwood though.


Do you think the royal family offer anything other than being complete cunts? Did you like Tooth and Claw? Let me know in the comments below.





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© by Matty James

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